Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
