We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
