bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
