what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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