Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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