i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
