Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
