You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
