Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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