How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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