At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have aggressive nipples.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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