Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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