In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
