I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
