If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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