remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
