the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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