And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
