'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
