The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
