When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
