for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
