I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
