But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Randomize
