It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I believe in your delicious
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
