Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
