His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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