i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
