areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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