I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
