i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
