These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
