It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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