Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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