I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
