he wants to bone in the snuggie
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
