I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
