no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
