I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
