You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Say something about gay babies.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
