the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
