her vagina looked like bernie madoff
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
