every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
