I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
