we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
