false alarm. still invincible.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
