I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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