I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
