Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
