ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
