If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
