you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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