I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
40s are totally the cure
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
