One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
