I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
